Archie and Meathead Finally Get It Right
posted by Aaron Turpen @ 9:09 PM
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Saturday, October 02, 2004
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Politically-Timed Terror Alerts: The Real Terror Threat
By MIKE HARDEN
http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_5361.shtml
Don't be surprised if between now and Election Day the terror-alert colors start dancing around like the jackpot lights on a cheap Las Vegas slot machine hitting triple sevens.
In early August, while presidential nominee John Kerry was riding a pink cloud after the Democratic National Convention, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge ratcheted up the terror-alert status a notch based on "credible intelligence" (now known to be 3 or 4 years old) that key financial institutions in New York and Washington were under close al Qaeda surveillance and might soon become targets.
Five times since Sept. 11, 2001, the administration has placed the nation on "high" alert. And what is it, precisely, that placating an alarmed American public with security money and manpower has achieved?
A detainee in Canada starts singing about terrorists who have slipped into the United States, whipping the Department of Homeland Security into another one of its falling-sky modes. It turns out that the guy fabricated the threat in hopes of getting a better deal on a forgery charge.
In early summer, Ridge and Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that 90 percent of al Qaeda plans were in place for a major terrorist attack in the United States before the November election.
All of this creates an ongoing public perception of vulnerability.
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http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_5361.shtml
Don't be surprised if between now and Election Day the terror-alert colors start dancing around like the jackpot lights on a cheap Las Vegas slot machine hitting triple sevens.
In early August, while presidential nominee John Kerry was riding a pink cloud after the Democratic National Convention, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge ratcheted up the terror-alert status a notch based on "credible intelligence" (now known to be 3 or 4 years old) that key financial institutions in New York and Washington were under close al Qaeda surveillance and might soon become targets.
Five times since Sept. 11, 2001, the administration has placed the nation on "high" alert. And what is it, precisely, that placating an alarmed American public with security money and manpower has achieved?
A detainee in Canada starts singing about terrorists who have slipped into the United States, whipping the Department of Homeland Security into another one of its falling-sky modes. It turns out that the guy fabricated the threat in hopes of getting a better deal on a forgery charge.
In early summer, Ridge and Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that 90 percent of al Qaeda plans were in place for a major terrorist attack in the United States before the November election.
All of this creates an ongoing public perception of vulnerability.
-----
Got comments? Email me, dammit!
posted by Aaron Turpen @ 7:09 PM
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Debates for Dummies
Bush, Kerry camps tussle over which candidate has less intelligence
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 4:30 p.m. ET Sept. 28, 2004
Sept. 28 - In what some political insiders are calling an attempt to lower expectations in the days leading up to the first presidential debate, the White House today announced that President George W. Bush has an IQ of 67.
"The president is far, far less intelligent than is commonly thought," White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters. "Even the simplest tasks remain well beyond his reach."
Reinforcing the impression that the president will be overmatched in Thursday's debate with Sen. John Kerry, McClellan showed reporters never-before-seen footage of Bush oafishly tumbling from his mountain bike.
"What a moron," McClellan said.
The White House spokesman said that Bush cannot possibly be expected to do well in a debate with Kerry, who McClellan said "has an IQ of 193" and "is widely considered the best debater on the planet."
But within minutes of the White House press conference, Kerry spokesman Joe Lockhart fired back, telling reporters, "John Kerry is much stupider than he looks."
As evidence of Kerry's idiocy, Lockhart referred to the floral-patterned windsurfing pants the senator wears while enjoying his favorite water sport.
"His a-- looks enormous in those pants," Lockhart said. "What kind of a moron would leave the house with his a-- looking like that?"
Elsewhere, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said today that it was unfair to compare the upcoming Iraqi elections to those held in America, "except for Florida."
Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to www.borowitzreport.com .
© 2004 Newsweek, Inc.
URL: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6125258/site/newsweek/
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By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 4:30 p.m. ET Sept. 28, 2004
Sept. 28 - In what some political insiders are calling an attempt to lower expectations in the days leading up to the first presidential debate, the White House today announced that President George W. Bush has an IQ of 67.
"The president is far, far less intelligent than is commonly thought," White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters. "Even the simplest tasks remain well beyond his reach."
Reinforcing the impression that the president will be overmatched in Thursday's debate with Sen. John Kerry, McClellan showed reporters never-before-seen footage of Bush oafishly tumbling from his mountain bike.
"What a moron," McClellan said.
The White House spokesman said that Bush cannot possibly be expected to do well in a debate with Kerry, who McClellan said "has an IQ of 193" and "is widely considered the best debater on the planet."
But within minutes of the White House press conference, Kerry spokesman Joe Lockhart fired back, telling reporters, "John Kerry is much stupider than he looks."
As evidence of Kerry's idiocy, Lockhart referred to the floral-patterned windsurfing pants the senator wears while enjoying his favorite water sport.
"His a-- looks enormous in those pants," Lockhart said. "What kind of a moron would leave the house with his a-- looking like that?"
Elsewhere, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said today that it was unfair to compare the upcoming Iraqi elections to those held in America, "except for Florida."
Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to www.borowitzreport.com .
© 2004 Newsweek, Inc.
URL: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6125258/site/newsweek/
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posted by Aaron Turpen @ 7:31 PM
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
New Voters Sign Up in Droves
http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_5341.shtml
New voters are flooding local election offices with paperwork, registering in significantly higher numbers than four years ago as attention to the presidential election runs high and an array of activist groups recruit would-be voters who could prove critical come Nov. 2.
Cleveland has seen nearly twice as many new voters register so far as compared with 2000; Philadelphia is having its biggest boom in new voters in 20 years; and counties are bringing in temporary workers and employees from other agencies to help process all the new registration forms.
Nationwide figures aren't yet available, but anecdotal evidence shows an upswing in many places, often urban but some rural. Some wonder whether the new voters - some of whom sign up at the insistence of workers paid by get-out-the-vote organizations - will actually make it to the polls on Election Day, but few dispute the registration boom.
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New voters are flooding local election offices with paperwork, registering in significantly higher numbers than four years ago as attention to the presidential election runs high and an array of activist groups recruit would-be voters who could prove critical come Nov. 2.
Cleveland has seen nearly twice as many new voters register so far as compared with 2000; Philadelphia is having its biggest boom in new voters in 20 years; and counties are bringing in temporary workers and employees from other agencies to help process all the new registration forms.
Nationwide figures aren't yet available, but anecdotal evidence shows an upswing in many places, often urban but some rural. Some wonder whether the new voters - some of whom sign up at the insistence of workers paid by get-out-the-vote organizations - will actually make it to the polls on Election Day, but few dispute the registration boom.
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posted by Aaron Turpen @ 5:29 PM
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Monday, September 27, 2004
Sunday, September 26, 2004
The Utah Freedom Activist
The latest issue of the Utah Freedom Activist Newsletter has been published. It features:
Click here to read it!
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- The Ten-Point Test for Public Office - Edward Britton gives a great ten-point test for selecting whom should receive your vote come November.
- Candidate Questionnaire Responses - answers from candidates for United States Senate (Dists. 1-3).
- County Mayor's Office Debacle - Nancy Workman didn't do it "for a good cause"...so who do you vote for?
Click here to read it!
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posted by Aaron Turpen @ 9:15 AM
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