Security?

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How the USPS Stole My Vote

A week or so ago I posted my ballot, detailing how I voted in this year's elections. Well, my vote wasn't counted. Not beacuse of nefarious electronic voting machines, not because a poll worker nixed my ballot, and not for any other obvious criminal reasons. My vote was not counted because the United States Post Office, with its federally-mandated monopoly on our postal system, could not deliver my ballot to the county clerk's office. Instead, they sent it back to my house (it took them nearly two weeks to do so...go figure).

Why? That's a good question. No markings on the envelope detail the reason. There's no "insufficient postage" stamp (the stamp is stamped over to make it "used"), no "return to sender" stamp, no "undeliverable" stamp. Nothing. Just a pre-printed envelope with the county clerk's office's address, my return address in the upper-left corner, proper postage, containing my ballot.

Hmmm... Interesting. My curious wife, thinking it was some kind of election receipt, opened the envelope, thereby making it unuseable to the county clerk. The envelope must be post marked BEFORE election day and must not be "tampered with."

So now I have lost my right to vote because some incompetent government jackass can't figure out how to deliver a properly marked envelope!

What's next?

By the way, it was pointed out to me by a very non-political friend that these are the same people that some morons think should run our health care system...

Apparently, the Post Office losing ballots is nothing new. Do a Google. I'm surprised no one in the main stream media hasn't picked up on this. OK, I'm not, I forget: all is well in America, so long as your Republicrats win so that the Demopublicans don't take their place. Silly me for not seeing the big picture here.

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Voting Button

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Election Day Health Warning!!!

Health Warning: The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of a Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inabi lity to accept responsibility for one's own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas

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Armchair Minute Men

So...you wanna join the Minute Man movement on America's borders and help save us from the flood of illegal immigrants coming into our nation? But you're afraid that you'll be entered on some government list, be made fun of by your neighbors as a “militia member,” or worse?

Well, have no fear! You can become an Armchair Minuteman without ever leaving the comfort of your home or office! That's right!

Just go to the American Border Patrol's website (http://www.americanborderpatrol.com) and start manning their border cameras today!

Yes, no foolin', you can watch for questionables crossing the border on their multiple border-cams and report those nefarious border-jumpers on sight! Without ever leaving your chair or even loading a gun!

Of course, you'll still have to keep an eye out for CIA drug-runners, special ops commandos, the occasional state-sanctioned terrorist, or other “under the radar” border-crossers. You wouldn't want to interfere with national security while performing your duty. Right?

So go to www.AmericanBorderPatrol.com and start protecting our nation's porous borders today! The Armchair Minute Men await!

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Halloween, Elections, Etc.

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